By: Brooklyn Middleton/Columnist
brooklyn.middleton@fiusm.com
You’re the customer and you are probably wrong. At the very least, you are definitely not always right. I know you’ve been told that you are but you are not and this is why: your bartender, salesperson, waitress or waiter is definitely more of an expert on whatever it is you are arguing with them about.
Whether it is top-shelf liquor that you are certain you did not get in your drink (I bet you can’t tell the difference, but I digress) or a shirt that was on the sale rack but was not actually on sale, you’re probably being a jerk about it. In such a case, the following are six steps you can take to avoid the pitfall of being a jerk.
1. Quality:
Bartenders have no problem remaking a drink. They want you to be happy not only because they are good people but also because they want you to continue drinking and spend more money, duh.
However, try to be polite about it and assume that if the bartender cannot understand what you want, it’s probably because you are mispronouncing “Pama” and saying “Puma.”
As I said, surely the bartender is more of an expert on drinks than you are, so avoid making them look like they are the idiot. For further notes about ordering see step 4.
2. Tipping:
I get it. You think people should have to work for their tips. You think your tip should be based on service, demeanor, quality and maybe even likeability.
Here is the thing: the vast majority of people in the service industry make a sub-minimum wage because it is expected that their hourly wage will be supplemented with tips.
Furthermore, when you don’t tip because the service was slower than you wanted it to be or because the food or drink was lacking, you are penalizing the server or bartender for variables they have very little control over. Lastly, let me tell you how the restaurant business works.
Servers and bartenders tip out a percentage of their sales— not tips— to support staff members, such as bussers and barbacks. When you don’t tip properly, you are often actually taking money from the server or bartender. Don’t do this— it sucks.
If you are tempted to do this, imagine each time that you’ve spent too much time on facebook, twitter or textsfromlastnight.com and didn’t finish your office work in as quick of a fashion as you could have, someone comes along and takes a chunk of your money away from you because you could have been better or tried harder. This is the same idea.
3. Yelling:
Don’t ever yell at the checkout clerk or salesperson, no matter what. I cannot emphasize this enough. The same goes when you eat out at a restaurant.
If you wouldn’t call your lawyer or accountant a “moron” to their face, don’t even think about calling any of the servers, bartenders or salespeople a “moron.” They really do not care if you don’t come back to shop, drink or eat there again. Plus, everyone in the establishment will silently be thinking you’re a douche.
4. Ordering:
Fancy nicknames for drinks are lame and make the bartender feel bad for not knowing what it is. Don’t make the bartender feel bad. You don’t want a “Cape Codder,” you actually just want a vodka cranberry.
5. Coupons:
Before expecting to get what you think you rightfully deserve, make sure the coupons you plan to use aren’t expired. If they are expired, don’t try to use them.
Seriously, don’t even bother asking. It’s obnoxious and makes you look illiterate and cheap. If you’re at a restaurant, tip based on what would have been the total cost without the coupon (apply this to drink specials, too). If you’re using a coupon for retail items, make sure to use the coupon for the specific product that the coupon indicates.
6. Slashing your superiority complex:
Assume that outside of the customer-employee dynamic, the employee is probably way cooler and smarter than you. In other words, don’t assume that because there was a snafu with your Jäger-bomb or a skirt on sale that the person serving or helping you is intellectually inferior to you.
They’re probably just really busy. Imagine someone hovering over your shoulder when you are trying to meet a deadline and ridiculing you for ending a sentence with a preposition. That’s how being in customer service is, all the time. Go forth, tip and act accordingly.
My Turn To Talk is a lifestyle opinion piece. Submit yours at life@fiusm.com