Madari Pendas/Contributing Writer
With only three months until Dec. 21, FIU students need to be as prepared for the apocalypse as they are for their midterms, and as tenacious to survive as they are to find a decent parking spot.
Dec. 21, 2012 is the day the Mayan Calendar, which is more accurate than most metrologists, ends. This is a sign, supposedly, that the world will come to an end, or at the very least that the Mayans ran out of stone to write on.
The first thing FIU students need to do as they prepare for doomsday is create a great end-of-the world soundtrack on their iPods. Nothing would be more depressing than walking down a long desolate highway to screeching birds and sizzling skin; now add Katy Perry’s ‘Firework’ and your post-apocalyptic existence will be more enjoyable.
In the next three months, students should also visit the recreation center as often as possible. A lot of cardiovascular exercise will be involved in the post apocalyptic world, especially as you scavenge for food, fight bandits, and run from mutated bears. A regular gym schedule should prepare you for the physical challenges the new world will demand of you, plus you’ll look more attractive when your shirt is inevitably ripped off– as it always is in these situations.
Post-apocalypse survivors are always lonely. An FIU student can overcome this crippling loneliness by adopting one of the turtles in the pond near the School of International and Public Affairs building. Turtles make great end-of-the-world companions and would keep you mentally stable. This turtle could be the Wilson to your Tom Hanks.
Undoubtedly, food will become scarce and a lot of the remaining morsels will be contaminated by radiation. An FIU student should indulge in as many high-carb meals as possible, in case food cannot be found, the body can then survive on the stored fat. Therefore, give into the temptation felt as the scintillating smell wafting from the cafeteria penetrates you. And remember to store up on Twinkies, they are non-perishable, compact, and delicious.
With these tips, accompanied by a strong will to survive and a copy of Cast Away, an FIU student will be prepared to handle existence in post-apocalyptic Miami. While others are trying to find edible morsels, and dealing with decaying sanity and loneliness, the skilled FIU student can relax with his full stomach and turtle best friend.
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