Photo by Spencer Wright, via flickr
Giselle Berman/Staff Writer
Chivalry died when knighthood died.
Chivalry used to refer to a knight’s code to defend the helpless: children, the elderly and women. Women were pretty suppressed and in need of male help to get anything done at the time. Thankfully though, this has changed some in our day.
Today, males and females have different understandings of the word “chivalry” and what it indicates. My boyfriend, for example, uses the term to describe the behavior women stereotypically expect of men — such as holding doors open and the “ladies first” concept. I, on the other hand, call most of these actions part of human decency.
Since women are no longer automatically these poor, defenseless creatures who can’t pay for themselves, these concepts of the old code of knighthood have changed.
I, being a female, hold doors open for both men and women and I enjoy when others to do the same for me. Not because I believe I have some inherent right as a female, but because sometimes I have difficulty swinging a door back open with my elbows when its momentum is going the opposite direction. It’s just a really nice thing to do, holding doors open for people you see walking in your same direction.
As far as paying for checks, this is another issue I roll my eyes at. Even my mother asks me why my boyfriend doesn’t pay for everything I do. She questions our morals even more when I comment that I, a lowly woman, have bought him dinner.
Honestly, women who expect men to pay for all of their every date are thinking too highly of themselves. I’m super glad for you if you’ve found a date who is able to afford every outing twofold. However, this is unlikely, and women are just as capable of paying for their own things because we have ways of earning money, too. It’s really nice when someone offers to take care of the check for you, right? Your date thinks the same thing! Offer to pay for him, ladies, and actually do so every once in a while!
Similarly, “ladies first” is a quite adorable concept that shows very good character. In my own life, I like to change this proverb to “you first.” The kind and considerate way I was brought up entices me to offer everything to others before taking them myself. This goes beyond common courtesy, I’d say, but it’s a more realistic view than offering to only “ladies.” The specificity of allowing women to enter buildings first or try a certain food first seems irrelevant and unnecessary. What does gender have to do with it? But it’s definitely courteous to not jump at something before allowing others a chance at it!
Believing that chivalry is a concept that should be present in our current society doesn’t fit in with the fact that we banished the idea of knighthood, as the two go hand-in-hand. The term you’re actually looking for might be consideration for others, or just courtesy in general. But, yes, “chivalry” as we never knew it — because we were very much not alive during its practice — is dead. It has not existed for a very long time.
Good news, though: we can help keep common courtesy alive by earning mass respect and not expecting it!
giselle.berman@fiusm.com