Cayla Bush / Staff Writer
Saying that a woman is playing hard to get perpetuates rape culture.
The idea that a woman who doesn’t pander to a man’s request for attention and his romantic advances is “playing hard to get” is taking away the strength and power of a woman’s “no.”
In our adolescence, we’re taught that persistence is key; the way to get what you want in life is to continuously pursue it, and to never give up. For some men, this translates to relentlessly pursuing an uninterested female until she gives in.
As women, we are told that we’re too rigid, too prude or worse, playing hard to get.
“No man is going to keep chasing you if you’re always playing hard to get,” we’re told.
These instances not only tell women they are wrong for declaring they do not want the man in question, but also tell men that women are only joking when they say no. A woman who tells a man no is simply asking for him to convince her.
The problem with this ideology is that sometimes, a woman’s verbal and nonverbal cues will be disregarded in sexual or romantic situations, because she just needs a little convincing. A very good illustration of this train of thought comes from an episode of “A Different World,” properly titled “No Means No.”
In this episode, Dwayne speaks with Walter about a situation in which he “knows her mouth is saying ‘no’ but you’re sure there are parts of her body saying ‘yes’.” Walter tells Dwayne that no matter what, a woman’s no should be respected, and ignoring her no is rape.
While the story on the show ended without rape and a lesson learned, oftentimes real life experiences do not mirror this happy ending.
Often, a woman who says no has to have several escape options because simply saying no can have results that range from continued unwanted advances to angry and terrifying behavior. While rape is not always the outcome, there are instances in which women are stalked or beaten for saying no.
Just because rape doesn’t always occur, it does not mean that this isn’t a symptom of rape culture. The fact that saying no is no longer valued, respected and heeded provides space for rape; that’s the problem with telling a woman she’s “playing hard to get.”
[Photo from Flickr, image resized]
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