by Andrea Unzaga-Burgos/Contributing Writer
Whether the sweet holiday spirit of affection invokes in you butterflies or nausea, Valentine’s Day is approaching. It is so close, I can hear wedding bells harmonizing with the scraping of a spoon at the bottom of an ice cream carton, coming from the loser next door.
I’ve personally learned to take all holidays with a grain of salt. Perhaps it’s my skeptical nature never letting me fully enjoy anything without asking “what’s the catch?”
This particular holiday can be both attacked and appreciated from multiple angles. Valentine’s Day is the annual celebration of love and affection. Americans spend it doing what we do best on all bank holidays: indulging in consumerism.
The unfortunate side to such a good natured holiday is not materialism. Materialism in American society is inevitable and simply a byproduct of our female-driven economy. Women buy things and like to be bought for; that being said, love is an extremely marketable idea.
My qualms are not with spending money on someone you care about. Money should be no object when it comes to those you love because real love cannot be reduced to a dollar amount. There is no price tag on love because it is not quantifiable.
The real issue with holidays, and Valentine’s day in particular, is that there is only one! Olga Khazan, a correspondent for The Atlantic, expounds on the idea that V-Day spoiling is done out of social duty rather than love.
A 1994 research study by the Association for Consumer Research found that of 105 men, the majority primarily associated Valentine’s Day with a sense of love and “fraternitas,” followed by obligation at a close second.
Since society has dubbed February 14th as the official holiday of love, those who love each other are expected to share extraordinary affection and attention on that day. Because men naturally don’t ask for much, these V-Day truths are inversely proportional.
A substantial chunk of these men feel resentment towards the holiday, the complete opposite of what it should inspire, because if they don’t deck out, they’re in romantic debt for the rest of the relationship.
I could go on about how I believe this is wrong and we as a collective should cut men a break, but I don’t. So instead I will play those men in the study, and the population of boys that agree with them, the finest of concertos on the world’s smallest violin.
Regardless of what gender role you identify with and what day of the year it is, if you resent showing someone affection, then you never loved them to begin with.
This is obviously not limited to tangibles. Last year, my coworker surprised his girlfriend on their daily run with a picnic he had set up at the park. The vessel of love is not what matters, but the intention behind dedicating it. In other words, you uncreative “dusties” have no excuse!
The bitter individuals who hide away until the heart-shaped, cavity-inducing consumerist assault is over are not feeling sorry for themselves because they have no boo; they simply don’t see or practice love in their quotidian lives.
The universal “love high” only reminds them of how worthless and lonely they feel, which is usually only in their head, and unfortunately their personal decision. You cannot save these people because in a world with SO MUCH to love, they choose to claim victimhood and hate.
Valentine’s Day is not defined by romance. My boss, his wife, and their three pre-teen daughters play secret valentine and enjoy the night together, united as a team. Schoolchildren have parties, share chocolates, and exchange notes of endearment.
Your valentines are your friends, your family, your lovers, your mentors, your pets, and those whom you admire.
Though I am a strong believer that love never dies, I cannot disagree that love is a fleeting feeling. Tangible items remind people of memories and emotions they may not be able to retrieve without them.
Having spoiled your loved ones in the past can even save you. They need to remember nice things you’ve done for them so they can use these memories as reasons to keep you around when you screw up, which you will.
The honeymoon stage does not last forever, so savor those moments. Though you cannot bottle them and keep them fresh forever, you can keep the bottle! Memories are preserved in material goods that serve as vestiges of a love that once was.
My first ever romantic Valentine, Alexander “The Dead Pork” Yermilov, a 10th grade Russian skater who defecated on my insecure 14-year-old heart, gave me a blue baby shower balloon. It read “It’s a boy!” He also gave me a pair of ugly ass Stance socks he most likely had already bought for himself.
I don’t know if he gave me that to mock* me or because at that point in time he hadn’t figured out what women like.
I don’t dwell on that, but I never forgot him because I still have those socks. I remember him as a douche, and the socks are still ugly, but the unorthodox holiday memory remains. I laugh about it now.
The brain can only retain so much and it purposefully pushes out ordinary memories, making room to keep the good ones around for longer.
It’s not about the objects themselves, but the fact that the receiver of the gift will think of you every time they use it. Depending on your behavior, this may or may not be a good thing.
The key to a healthy relationship with those you love is to maintain holiday behavior throughout the year.
No one would feel pressured to celebrate Valentine’s day if they frequently manifested their love, and that is the naked truth. In reality, those sorry losers who resent the holiday resent themselves for being inadequate at showing affection to others.
Allow me to clearly break this down to the dummies for whom I’ve explicitly written.
Missing an opportunity to show your loved one special attention on V-Day, is to be remembered as the lame and the unthoughtful. To conform with the cliché on Valentine’s Day just makes you “Valentine 2019”, predictable and one of many.
To spontaneously spoil your loved ones with attention and gifts throughout the trajectory of your relationship, platonic or passionate, is the only way you will be remembered as an outlier.
You rank higher on the scoreboard if you do something extraordinary for someone on a regular non-holiday, for it is unexpected and not romantically obliged.
This is applicable to all holidays. Humans don’t just need holidays to take a break from living in mundanity, it’s a cultural reason to come together, share something, and be nice! Every holiday is memorable because that is exactly what it’s for.
I never give up a chance to manifest love. I try my best to shower myself with affection as well as those I appreciate every-day.
My life is really just one long Valentine’s Day because I live in love, an infinite Thanksgiving because I am always grateful, and an eternal Christmas because I am a gift to the world.
I am blessed to have so many Valentines this year and so are you. If you maintain holiday spirit throughout the year, people won’t have reasons to leave you because you gave them good memories, the greatest gift of them all.
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The opinions presented within this page do not represent the views of PantherNOW Editorial Board. These views are separate from editorials and reflect individual perspectives of contributing writers and/or members of the University community.
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