Guido Gonzalez/Assistant Entertainment Director
Strangely, though I had been born in Miami and lived among the palm trees in the sweltering heat all my life, I do not consider myself a Latino or Hispanic.
I suppose some context would be in order. My parents are immigrants. My father hailed from some cozy coastal town in Cuba; my mother from the sprawling Brazilian metropolis of Sao Paulo.
As a result, I was raised with a blend of both cultures. Extended family gatherings, samba music from speakers, the impassioned fights of telenovelas blaring in the background, loud and raging Cuban-Spanish conversations.
But they never seemed to leave a mark on me. Even in my early 20s, I still struggle with Spanish and Portuguese aside from a rudimentary understanding of a few words. The rhythmic beat of bongos never gripped my heart, and despite my heritage I have a by-and-large quiet, and somewhat reserved demeanor.
English is my first and only language, I prioritize the eclectic soundtrack of The Beatles over the gentle strums of Bossa nova, and I detest the taste and consistency of rice and beans (I know, it’s unthinkable).
There are countless moments where I lament my lacking heritage. Miami is my home, and yet I feel more like a guest than a permanent resident; a tourist lost in translation.
You are not the borders you’re born within.
Whenever I see my friends and they speak a language I do not know, a pang of sadness tugs at my heart and I feel helplessly alienated. Oh, what I’d do, what I’d give, just to understand and talk with them in my father’s native tongue. The feeling that I just don’t belong never entirely goes away.
But as a Gloria Gaynor sung back in 1984, I am what I am. Despite those occasional slumps with my self-esteem and confidence, I wouldn’t dare want to be anyone else.
Personally, I could never define myself based on where my parents and their parents came from. Tyler Durden once said, “you’re not the contents of your wallet.” I say, “you are not the borders you’re born within.”
I don’t consider myself Cuban or Brazilian or even American. I am an individual with thoughts, desires, fears, and hopes that are both unique and universal. I don’t feel bound by culture and tradition.
That isn’t to say I’m ashamed or completely indifferent to my background. I could never deny my diverse bloodline, my family’s history, the values and traditions they celebrate even today.
I do not react with disgust or apathy. I acknowledge where I came from, and never have I ever viewed it as a stigma. It’s just something I don’t define myself by.
Though I may feel like an outsider from time to time, I have never felt uncomfortable being myself. It’s a lengthy and tiresome process when you come to terms with who you are. But once you do, it’s an immense relief, and a cathartic reckoning.
I like my interests, my hobbies, my own values. I like who I am.
For, I am what I am.
This article is the first in a series focusing on cultural identity.
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