Samantha Vargas / Contributing Writer
Members of various LGBTQ organizations in South Florida met to discuss the cultural gaps between parents and their LGBT children, specifically those of Latin and Caribbean descent, on June 28.
The panel was hosted by FIU’s DIvision of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion and moderated by Abrianna Jean-Baptiste, President of FIU’s Pride Student Union. She spoke to two key speakers about a number of topics including the difficulties of coming out, the coexistence of spirituality and queerness, and the origins of stigmas found within the Latin community.
One key speaker was Ashley Dominguez, vice president of the Alliance for GLBTQ Youth, a nonprofit organization with a main center in North Miami which aims to provide mental health services to LGBT youth and their families as well as advocates on their behalf. She is an ally and mental health specialist that advocates for not only the LGBT community, but other marginalized groups throughout South Florida.
“Right now, we are very unique in our affiliation agreement with Miami-Dade Public Schools,” Dominguez said, “…that’s one of the biggest things because all around…we need to have that baseline and education is so, so important.”
Victor Diaz-Herman, who also spoke at the panel, is the CEO of Pridelines, South Florida’s oldest LGBT non profit organization that aims to provide support and various resources for LGBT youth. Pridelines has two main centers in Miami-Dade and two satellite centers in Coral Gables and Cutler Bay. He is a first generation Cuban-American and an openly gay man who joined the Pridelines organization in 2010.
The panel began by discussing the different family structures of the speakers and how that affected their coming out.
“I learned that at the end of the day, there’s your religious beliefs, there’s your political beliefs, there’s your cultural [beliefs]…but at the end of the day there’s also love,” Diaz-Herman said, “…Love and family were strong enough so that mine accepted me for who I was.”
Diaz-Herman shared how even after being raised by his mother and her wife, he still feared the repercussions of coming out. He discussed how he thought his parents could be blamed or shamed for “raising” him to be gay. He feared for his father’s reaction specifically, only to be surprised by the support he received once he came out at 25 years old.
Dominguez spoke about how important it is to promote inclusive ideals, such as rejecting gender stereotypes, as early as possible in a child’s life. She also said this tendency for Latin parents to ostracize and isolate their LGBT+ children ultimately goes against the family-orientated nature of latino culture.
Additionally, they discussed how to mix cultural and religious traditions with queerness. Both Diaz-Herman and Dominguez spoke about the importance of staying connected to one’s culture but also rejecting the most divisive parts of it.
They also emphasized how much of the shame and guilt parents feel about their children being LGBT+ stems from lack of understanding and a fear of stepping out of the norms that have been passed onto them from older generations. It also stems from peers upholding these norms and stigmas which make these parents willing to reject their child rather than face social rejection themselves.
Diaz-Herman described parents or family members openly showing their support for the LGBT community and rejecting the oppressive norms within their culture as almost similar to them coming out to their community and loved ones themselves.
Jean-Baptiste moved further into the topic of balancing religion with queerness by talking about their own ongoing struggles with their faith. They compared identifying as both a lesbian and a Christian to “walking on a tightrope” and described the difficulty of untying themselves from negative stereotypes of queer people that they’ve been taught and internalized.
“It’s difficult sometimes, especially when majority of the Christianity that I see in this country is based on ideas that uphold whiteness and being cisgender,” Jean-Baptiste said.
Dominguez spoke about the danger of institutionalizing faith. She expressed faith and spirituality should be fluid and a personalized experience for everyone. A viewer named Adrianna Torres joined the conversation to say that the right church makes a world of difference in someone’s experience with religion and worship.
The discussion moved on to a few final points: the effects of being rejected by loved ones for being queer, the difficulty of coming out at a young age, and how to start a dialogue about these issues.
Diaz-Herman discussed the possible negative effects of rejection, such as homelessness, physical abuse, and drug addiction, as well as the emotional effects for young queer people. He had a few words to offer parents and loved ones of LGBT+ people.
“Providing somebody with the support, the love, the affection that they need, especially as they’re coming to terms with their own gender identity or sexual orientation…is so important,” Diaz-Herman said, “[It’s] important for their mental health, for their development.”
The need for parents who struggle to come to terms with their child’s sexuality or gender identity to ask questions and create a dialogue with an open mind was emphasized by Dominguez.
Diaz-Herman brought up that organizations and allies should work to create educational opportunities within communities, especially Latino and Caribbean communities that are predominant in Miami, rather than sit and wait for these community members to reachout themselves.
Jean-Baptiste pointed out that being gentle and empathetic with LGBT youth when discussing their identities and while having these discussions in general with those with opposing views.
“It’s important to also note that…while having these conversations…although opinions are brought to the conversation, let’s dissect those instead of leaving them in the air,” Jean-Baptiste said, “When you dissect things, you start to learn the different perspectives that are brought out from each opinion and how we can gain a sort of compromise to a lot of different situations.”
However, Dominguez said it’s also important for allies to challenge homophobic and/or transphobic rhetoric when you hear it. She encouraged allies to step up to the plate and have those uncomfortable conversations with those around them.
The message the panel ended with was essentially that it is not only the job of professionals in advocacy groups to speak up for LGBT people. It is also the job of everyday people who call themselves allies to educate their peers and loved ones.
It’s even more important that allies listen to LGBT people and professionals and educate themselves on queer issues and concepts.
“Don’t miss the opportunity to have [conversations about queer issues],” Diaz-Herman said, “but then also find ways to be informed by someone who can provide you with a deeper dive and more resources…to make sure you’re even more effective in the next [conversation].”
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