Kaysea Suzana and Conor Moore | Staff Writers
Bigfoot beware, and get ready Panthers, because the Skunk Ape is America’s premier cryptid, right in our backyard in the spooky swamps of South Florida.
Labeled the “Sasquatch of the South East”, the Skunk Ape has been rumored to exist for decades now. Dave Shealy, expert on all things Skunk Apery, claims to have seen the beastly abomination when he was ten years old, dubbing himself the “Jane Goodall of Skunkapes”.
Skunk Ape has even earned itself a rap sheet, as it is suspected in a connection to a vandalism case located in Charlotte County. What other crimes the Skunk Ape has committed, or what other nefarious ne’er do wellings the critter has confounded are yet unknown.
Various sightings claim that the Skunk Ape is between five to seven feet, but some definitively say that the Skunk Ape is five-foot-seven, a perfect height to hide in mangroves and swamps of South Florida, explaining why it has eluded capture for such a long time.
Other notable features of the Skunk Ape is its smell – a foul, repugnant, boorish, philistine, acrimonious and psychologically tormenting scent that is immediately distinguishable as the stench of the Skunk Ape.
The history of the Skunk Ape is uncertain, but some sources put its existence as being recorded by the first instance of European settlers centuries ago. This would make the Skunk Ape the oldest beast on the metaphorical block that is South Florida.
Some have called the nature of the vagrant varmint befuddling, due to its tendency to stalk and hide, a pattern of behavior that points towards its benevolence.
Yet, some may interpret such mischievous malfeasance as simply the Skunk Ape waiting for a perfect time to strike unfortunate victims.
In 1929, several witnesses at the Sugarloaf Key Bat Tower reported an unseemly fellow, possibly of Skunk Ape origin, shaking the base of the tower, causing the bats to free themselves from onerous captivity once and for all.
If this tale is to be true, the Skunk Ape’s five-foot-seven well-proportioned frame must be of unimaginable strength and power – ghastly.
In the 1970s, two police officers were accosted by the Skunk Ape and discharged their firearms in self-defense. The Skunk Ape, apparently immune to bullets, escaped, leaving a tuft of hair as its calling card. In the following years, the brute was reported to have invaded homes and even killed a few animals belonging to a local farmer.
In recent memory, there have been a few anonymous photos distributed to authorities of creatures that resemble the Skunk Ape, with some investigations revealing no definitive sign of the creature. Doubters claim it is a hoax, as does the National Park Service.
Upon viewing a video that seemed to be insurmountable evidence of the Skunk Ape’s existence, the Smithsonian said “It’s extremely hard to watch this video and see anything but a guy in a gorilla suit.”
Yet, the Smithsonian never considered whether the Skunk Ape could be a gorilla suit in a guy.
Hard evidence around the beloved bayou beast has been hard to come by, but there is nothing suggesting the Skunk Ape isn’t still out there, surveying the swamps to stalk soon-to-be victims.
If you’re interested in cryptids, make sure to check out our newest podcast produced and hosted by Digital Content Manager, Elijah Pestana about cryptozoology at the link below.
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