Contributing Writer |Ryan Ziwa
I can already hear my heart flutter as the day I have to confront the absence of romantic love in my life approaches…more commonly known as Valentine’s Day.
While others make reservations, attempt to hide gifts, and clean their camera lenses, I struggle to justify my continued lack of a romantic partner. My strongest defenses so far are: “It’s not like I haven’t put myself out there” and “love cannot be scheduled.” Yet they cower away, leaving me with anguish after my friend asks, “What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?”
I recite highlights from the blogs I’ve read about solo Valentine’s ideas, trying to sound as convincing as I can.
After the conversation, I obsess over my lack of plans and, more so, the lack of a partner to make plans with. I quickly text my single friends and maximize the few minutes before my class in Antarctica starts to pose the same question to my classmates, who turn out to be single too.
In their responses, I observe similar pauses to mine, followed by dreadful admissions or lies corrected into jokes. If I hadn’t clocked that not everyone I’d asked was born on February 14th, I might have mistaken this for the birthday blues. But no, this was Valentine’s anxiety, under a microscope held by a seemingly innocent question.
I spent the rest of the day re-immersing myself in blogs about how single people should celebrate Valentine’s Day, looking for ideas that resonated. I realized that single people were left to choose between overcompensating with hefty consumerism and solo activities or spending the day with the fear of missing out. Celebrations of non-romantic love on this day seemed to fall short when compared to the idealized Valentine’s Day with a partner.
February 14th should be framed as a day to celebrate love that is present in one’s life, without a need to justify one that isn’t. Without a shift in framing, the celebration of non-romantic love, though genuine, can feel misguided, just like someone choosing to celebrate Galentine’s with their partner.
So instead of asking what one’s plans are for Valentine’s, a more thoughtful question would be: “What love are you celebrating?” And to yourself, how you carry that celebration beyond February 14th.
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