Question Time: Round two of the role reversals

By: Hans and Jackie / Staff Columnists
This week, it’s Jackie’s turn to ask her regulars some questions about their lives, while Hans sits back and enjoys a bowl…of Lucky Charms. Hey, who are we to judge? To each his own.

J: Guru, can sex be unhealthy in large amounts?
[b]A: How dare you even ask this? The mere suggestion is blasphemous. Go have seven orgies to atone for your sin.
The Guru[/b]

J: Candle, isn’t it true that if you play with fire you’re eventually going to get burned? So why is it so much fun to play with it?
[b]A: Just having control over the possibility of being burned is the fun part about playing with fire. Unless you lose control and you accidently set your house on fire, at which time you need get the hell out. And come on, don’t you want to play with a little Candle “wax?”
Candle[/b]

J: Curious Moron, are you curious enough to create life through cloning? And if so, who would you clone?
[b]A: Genetics have already reached the point where we have cracked the entire genetic code of rice. RICE! And a week later, we get news of a woman pregnant with a clone. I think it’s clear that we must have ethics committees ban cloning, because otherwise, Rice people, much like Pod people, will begin harvesting humans, eating us with curry mustard at Chicken Kitchen! To quote Dr. Ian Malcolm, famed Chaotician, these “scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.” Oh the humanity! Rice people and T-Rexes! In other words, I’d clone Mike the headless chicken of 1945. Or Audrey Hepburn. Which ever tastes better with my Chop-Chop.
Curious Moron[/b]

J: Handy Man, if you could be a tool, which would you be and why?
[b]A: A Gynecologist’s vaginal speculum. Need I explain why?
Handy Man[/b]

J: Hey Xander, when practicing bondage while watching an episode of Buffy, how much spanking is too much?
[b]A: There’s never too much spanking while watching Buffy, but it has to come in concentrated waves that vary depending on what’s going on in the episode. For example, whenever Buffy and Spike go at it, spanking should all but cease. When Tara and Willow get jiggy, it reaches a moderate level. And if Xander and Buffy have even rudimentary contact, it should go into a fever pitch.
Xander Von Rook[/b]

J: CT, you seem to be wild stud type. So spill: what’s your favorite song to play to put your date in the mood for love?
[b]A: If I ever desire to get my intentions across to my significant other, I must confess that no song gets them in the mood for some good ol’ fashioned lovin’ like Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer”. It’s hard to beat around the bush with lyrics like “I want to feel you from the inside.”
CT[/b]