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Winners
FIU: Finally the fair is leaving, and we reclaim our campus and parking lots. In retrospect, we should take a few lessons from the carnies. It seems to us that parking trailers near campus would do wonders for housing.
Alternative Spring Break: Sacrificing spring break for a good cause takes a good deal of dedication. I was planning on participating myself, until a gang of scantily clad party-goers attacked me on the street and forced me to do a keg stand. I always hate it when that happens, don’t you?
The Vagina Monologues: We congratulate the dedicated students and alumni who put this together, despite the title’s flagrant false-advertisement.
Losers
Biscayne Bay Campus SGA: With so many positions running uncontested, “elections” is kind of a broad term don’t you think? Student government coronations is more like it.
United Kingdom: With the death of the Queen Mum, only Elizabeth II stands between the throne and either Charles or a pretty party-boy. Had this happened in America, we would settle it the civilized way: by having father and son duke it out on television for ratings.
Death to Smoochy: Now, math has never been my strong-point, but I’m guessing that for a $50 million movie, opening with $4.3 million is not a good thing.
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