Depression doesn’t care

Giselle Berman / Staff Writer

Giselle Berman, Staff Writer

 They say that you need to love yourself before you can worry about loving someone else, but Depression doesn’t care. In fact, Depression doesn’t care about anything you’re trying to accomplish.

Depression gets to be capitalized here because it is personified as part of a sufferer’s personality. Though I can only speak for my own experience, unmedicated Depression butts its head into everything life has to offer and makes all of it more difficult.

Being in love and trying to deter Depression from making it a polygamous relationship isn’t easy.

Every tiny argument seems like it’s the end. “We can’t take this anymore. Why does he treat us so badly? We can do so much better,” says Depression. And, a few hours later, “Why did you do that? He deserves so much better than you. It’s all your fault.”

The worst part is that the arguments really are tiny. Depression has changed your mood from decent to terrible in .10 seconds and you can’t do anything about it. The undesirable volume coming from the television is reason enough to throw a tantrum. It doesn’t occur to you until hours later that there might be better ways to deal with such minor problems.

Well, with so much self-hatred, everything seems to be your own fault.

Depression doesn’t care how hard you’re trying to make yourself feel better. It tears you down harder— but at least it can make you more intuitive to others’ similar feelings.

Seeing a loved one go through something even the slightest bit negative is enough to have me all over them with flowers, chocolates and tears. I never want anyone feeling what may resemble my low point. And knowing just how low my lows can get, I could never be more appreciative of those who stick by me. I don’t have to feel particularly attractive one day to love someone else.

Depression may not care, but the depressed person does. It takes everything in me to gather up the energy to do basically anything, and that’s what makes our time together count. If you can make me forget about my chemical-imbalance-induced issues, then I will do everything in my power to make you equally happy.

Somehow, we all find someone to curl up next to us on the floor while we cry. That’s the best part—that although I can’t wish away Depression, it can’t beat the feelings I carry in my heart for my loved ones.

giselle.berman@fiusm.com