How I Learned To Love Staying At Home

Robert Crohan/Staff Writer

I have a confession to make: the past few years of my life have not been particularly good.

Make no mistake; I am enjoying FIU very much and have made good friends here. But a number of family crises coupled with climbing anxiety, episodes of depression, crumbling confidence and uncertainty about the future made me crave for a golden age, one I expected in 2020.

So, as you can imagine, I did not handle the onset of COVID-19 very well. Travel plans were put on hold, and while I was grateful to have them postponed and not cancelled, I felt jibbed and frustrated. The world around me was burning. Was I to be stuck in this ditch indefinitely?

However, the past few months have taught me a lot. Perhaps the biggest lesson of all? You are in charge of where your life goes.

The past few months have taught me a lot. Perhaps the biggest lesson of all? You are in charge of where your life goes.

Let me elaborate: I had my fair share of bad habits, like sleeping in too much and not taking aspects of school very seriously. Being on campus, as much fun as it is, is an enriching—and distracting—environment. Life going on more or less like “normal” would not have felt monumental enough to be an open window for change.

Campus life can make it hard for time management, as you have to physically attend events, which involves walking and seeing friends.

When you’re stuck inside (and I am, indeed, stuck inside—my sister is immune-compromised), you can goof off or work online, sure, but what else can you do? In these boring months, I have been given an opportunity to reassess my life and current habits. I think of the people around me who have to work three jobs to make ends meet. I don’t have that burden, so how will I take advantage of it going forward?

Indeed, life in my house caring for a disabled family member demands unexpected and frequent help, so had this not been the case, I could have accomplished much more. But for what I did, I am proud and thankful.

Instead of sleeping all day, I could read about topics pertaining to my major. Instead of moping and doping about my declining friend pool, I could read about social skills. Instead of feeling bad about myself, I could think of my strengths and be realistic. Doing all this is not easy, and there are many days where I tumble, but it is necessary to consider.

I have developed ideas for comics I want to make, and read about very fascinating topics, everything from holding conversations to China to Jimmy Carter. More are on the lineup.

Current events are no exception. The lynchings of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and too many others forced me to consider: what role do I, as a white man, play in white supremacy? How can I avoid this going forward? Is there a way to avoid this? Are my current political affiliations enough? Indeed, current events have changed some of my political opinions quite drastically.

I have come to appreciate life’s timing, and this crisis is no different. How timely is it that I get to witness a new Cold War as an international relations student, and a financial crisis right after taking International Political Economy?

The pandemic’s fallout has revived some old friendships. People I only occasionally messaged were messaging me more frequently, and we are now making plans to meet up in person again, once the dust settles. My extended family is interacting more than ever before.

All this has forced me to learn a lot. There are days where it can be overwhelming, and I feel stupid for it. But when you are in your twenties, that is to be expected. I did not realize this until quarantine. Being stuck inside and learning things at home made me miss 2019, a year that I consider to be the worst of my life.

For college students today, life is pretty much universally overwhelming. In my life before the crisis struck, I was doing a lot and traveling frequently. Although every trip was very enjoyable, some felt lacking. Quarantine allows me to reconsider traveling going forward. 

Which is better: frequent, lackluster trips or occasional, groundbreaking ones? How much money do I want to spend on weekend trips that don’t really change my life? Should I always travel alone like I have been doing? Who do I love that can come with me and get a new taste of adventure?

Additionally, I have been very troubled, personally, by world events that could have been avoided (like this pandemic). I feel that my sense of obligation to give back to a world that has given me countless blessings is coming full circle. I cannot do much now because of my sister’s immune system, but I have donated more than ever before. I am eager to get to work to help rebuild my communities after this crisis.

I am beyond eager to return to campus next fall and I am upset that I have to take such a long break from Miami. But staying home for the time being and accepting the pause in action, for the sake of people around me, for my country, makes me feel more patriotic than ever.

This is tough, and some days are flat-out terrible. I am sometimes pained by the thought of being inside for two-thirds of the year, but I have come to appreciate this. I hope to emerge from my cave a better, smarter and more well-rounded person. Hopefully you can, too.

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The opinions presented within this page do not represent the views of PantherNOW Editorial Board. These views are separate from editorials and reflect individual perspectives of contributing writers and/or members of the University community.

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Featured image by Marco Verch Professional Photographer on Flickr.