PantherSMOOCH: A Valentine’s Special

Conor Moore and Kaysea Suzana | Staff Writers

It’s about time to book yourselves a room with a view Panthers, because love actually is in the air.

For those single, perhaps not.

But whether you wonder where’s your Romeo, or even if you’re hitched with your Juliet, the experts from the humor section will give you the rundown on some romantic tips and tricks as Valentine’s Day approaches.

There’s our lovely Kissing Bridge at FIU, which personally, we’ve never seen someone kiss there once. But alas, it’s never too late to start. Or don’t. The tradition is if you kiss at the Bridge, you’ll (allegedly) stay together for life. 

But you really, really shouldn’t bring up marriage or “for life” to your college sweetheart. In fact, don’t mention marriage at all, especially within say, the first week or month of dating.

That might be self-evident, but some of us have learned the hard way that that’s a one-way ticket to singledom. Heartbreak is medically speaking, one of the worst feelings we go through.

As they say, the fire that burns brightest burns fastest. Slow and steady wins the race, dear reader. Take the time to get to know and appreciate someone for who they are. Something something, don’t put the cart before the horse. Or horse before the cart?

Unless you’re a penguin. They mate for life!

But for those who have a special someone this Valentine’s in mind and want to ask them out, here are a couple of dos. And don’ts.

Readers, please don’t confess your love in a grand gesture with flowers and gifts. For the braver ones among us, that’s fine and peachy, but it’s much better to ask someone out directly and plainly. Or, tell the person you think you’d be interested in something more if you already know them on friendly terms.

Please. Big gestures might work if you’re Mr. Darcy, but you are most assuredly not Mr. Darcy. Don’t we all wish we were, or had a Mr. Darcy, though.

But if all goes well and you get a date, great job! Just don’t turn the date into you talking about yourself for an hour. Put your best foot forward to show you care and find the other person interesting.

Because of course, they are. You did ask them out, after all.

And for the love of all that is good, please don’t suggest going to some place like the Cheesecake Factory or Olive Garden for the first date. Or the movies. Just don’t make it weird. A walk around a park or nice area makes for a surprisingly good first date spot, since there’s no pressure to do anything besides get to know each other.

For those who already have someone, though, feel free to indulge your partner in sweets and shower them with affection and gifts. 

But don’t forget to show your appreciation for your partner more often than just a few days in the year.

Every day they wake up and choose you because you mean the world to them in their own special way. Lasso the moon, readers!

NASDAQ reports that the average amount of money that people expect to spend this Valentine’s is….$157.52! When was the last time someone was willing to spend 160 bucks on you?

But if the stars do not align and you’re left by your lonesome once again, fear not.

Are you maidenless? Find communion in these stats. According to Forbes Health, 32% of men and 28% of women are reported to be single. Dry your eyes, there are plenty more fish in the sea, as the saying goes.

Panthers, as Valentine’s Day comes and goes, we would like to ask one final question. What is love?

Baby, don’t hurt us. We’re not qualified at all to answer that question – nobody is, really. It’s a deeply personal experience for everyone. Love could be time, truth, life, bagels with cream cheese and salmon, who knows.

But if there is one serious takeaway, it would be to accept love as it comes. You don’t find it, it finds you, and when it does find you, never let it go. Happy Valentine’s Day!